One More

I never know if I should drink the next glass.

Alcohol is supposed to have certain effects on you. It is often dubbed ‘liquid courage’, it is used to reduce or remove inhibitions, to relax. But I never really get to that point. I drink a couple, and then after that it’s always a pondering of…should I?

I know what it does in theory, according to all those beer commercials and portrayals of frat parties in movies. But it never does as promised. If I’m upset it doesn’t make me happy, if I’m anxious because of the number of people around me, it doesn’t relax. In fact, if anything, it only makes me frustrated, because if it’s not fulfilling expectations, there must be something wrong with me.

And yet knowing this, I still often ending drinking one more after I already not really feel like drinking. Just one, hoping, that, perhaps it will be different for once.

It is trivial. It’s just one night and just one decision. It doesn’t really affect much, because I never really get drunk. But all the same, it causes me a moment of pause every time.